Author: theblindscribe

Happy Saturday bookish people! And a Merry Bookmas day four. Today I am bringing you some funny (hopefully) and interesting The Night Before Christmas poem parodies. I hope you enjoy the ones that I have chosen to put here!

First, I can’t do a post about the parodies if I don’t include the original so here is: Visit From St Nicholas by Clement Clarke Moore.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the housetop the coursers they flew
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too—
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack.
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

This next one was written based on everything that happened in 2020, and was written by Scott Simon and I found it on NPR.org

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all o’er the house
Stirred the clicking — most frantic — of every mouse
All the stockings were hung by the TV with flair
But children played on apps in their rooms without care
Sneaking smart-phones and laptops right into their beds
While visions of going viral danced in their heads
When out on the street there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter
When what to my wandering eyes did appear
An electric sleigh, without any reindeer

“Self-driving” said the driver, so lively and quick
I knew from his TikToks it must be St. Nick
“I don’t strew CO2,” he said, “on glaciers and meadows
So my polar bear friends can hang onto their ice floes.”
He had a snow-white goatee, and six-pack of a belly
“I just couldn’t go on like a bowl full of jelly.
Now I eat fruits and veggies, meditate, and do yoga
And don’t just watch e-sports — Elf Sports — on the sofa.”

And after our chitchat he went straight to work,
And filled all the stockings with candies and merch
Then laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, he told me, “Lord knows
2020’s been filled with sorrow and stresses
With Covid, job loss, and protesting injustice.
We miss those we loved, who are no longer here
Handshakes, hugs, friendships, and moments of cheer.
Santa’s whole workshop is now Work from Home
I call elves for IT help, they ask, ‘Safari or Chrome?’
I tell them of toys, and they say, ‘You’re on mute!’
I’ve got grey sweatpants on ‘neath the top of my suit.
Family and friends can’t gather this season
We miss their warm smiles, but we all know the reason.
The year has been tough, but still at each turn
People have become heroes, and helped us to learn:
That even across social distanced divides
we are all essential workers in each other’s lives.
So thanks to doctors! To nurses! Delivery crews!
Farmers and pharmacists, bus drivers too!
Thanks to med techs, and scientists in laboratories
Those in clinical trials, and the great Dr. Fauci!”Article continues after sponsor message

Santa sprang to his sleigh, to the sky gave a whistle
And his autonomous vehicle took off like a missile
But I heard him exclaim, as he zipped out of sight,
“Look out for each other! And to all, a good night!”

I found the next one on Britmums.com and it is a very interesting take on the parents side of Christmas Eve and I thought it was refreshing to see that side in a poem

Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro’ the house,
The children were feral, and had head louse;
A child was crying ’cause someone didn’t share,
Another was frantic because they’d lost a stuffed bear;
Daddy was pleading “Is it time for bed?”,
While mummy was muttering ’bout de-licing their heads,
The tree looked dishevelled, no thanks to the cat,
Who played tennis with babbles, his paws were the bat.
They watched Santa fly past with thanks to NASA,
And ate so many mince pies they were already fatter.
Mum waited for the inevitable sugar crash,
She checked her to-do list and waxed her moustache.

The kids sang carols and put on a show,
And they started to feel that Christmassy glow;
When, Mum was struck with sudden panic and fear,
Where had she hidden that giant toy deer,
What if the turkey made people sick,
Had she bought enough veuve clicque?
Did she remember a present for what’s her name,
What if the kids got two gifts the same?
They might give the nits to Great Auntie Vixen,
Had she remembered carrots for Blitzen?
Did she get everything in the big Sainsburys haul,
She definitely got wine, there’s no doubt at all!”
At least it’s time to bid the elf goodbye,
That bloody thing is a pain in the eye;
The Pinterest perfect gift wrap can’t be true
Who has the time, there is too much to do.
What if the children found out the truth,
The eldest is suspicious he’s acting the sleuth.

Dad senses that Mum is heading for a meltdown,
So he pulls her in his arms and twirls her around:
He whispers to her “It’s the best Christmas yet,
One that the kids will never forget”;
He massages the muscles in her back,
And whispers something ’bout later in the sack:
His eyes – how they twinkled! She giggled now merry,
As she opened the orange chocs made by some bloke called Terry;
She needed to relax and go with the flow,
She channelled Elsa and sang ‘Let it Go’;
Perfection is over rated, not worth the grief,
All we need is a tree with some gifts underneath.

She hugged the kids tight and tickles their bellies,
They giggled and danced, and wriggled like jelly:
They watched Christmas movies, and toasted their health,
And she got all sentimental in spite of herself;
She squeezed both the children as she tucked them in bed,
And briefly considered giving some kind of sleep med.
Once they were sleeping, they went straight to work,
Creating Christmas magic was a parental perk.
She found that giant toy deer under some clothes,
Along with the other gifts she had lovingly chose.
She fell into bed, exhausted but content,
This Christmas madness can cause you to vent:
But at the end of the day it’s worth the plight,
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

I don’t know who the author of this final poem is but I found it on appleseeds.org and I liked it because it really reflects my ideas of Christmas, that it is about family, friends and those you love. About making memories and being joyful and nothing else really matters.

Tis the Month Before Christmas

Tis the month before Christmas, we’re all going nuts;
With so much to do, there’s no ifs, ands or buts.
Buy presents, hang tree lights, pop cards in the mail,
Send gift packs, thread popcorn, find turkeys on sale.

Decorations need stringing up all through the house.
And you haven’t a clue what to buy for your spouse.
School concerts, receptions, open houses with friends,
Long lineups, short tempers, tying up the loose ends.

With all our mad dashing, we’re reeling from shock;
Let’s stop for a minute and really take stock.
It’s crassly commercial, the cynical say;
If that’s true, that our fault-it’s us and not they.

Take time for yourself-though hard as that seems—
Enjoy your kids’ laughter, excitement and dreams.
Take a moment out now, don’t get overly riled,
Instead make an angel in snow with your child.

The shortbread can wait, and so can the tree;
What’s important to feel is a child’s sense of glee.
The holidays aren’t about push, rush and shove;
They’re for friendship and sharing and family love.

Hear the bells, feel the warmth, light up with the glow
Of a message first sent to us so long ago:
Peace, love and goodwill, and hope burning bright.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

That’s it for today, I hope you enjoyed the poems I chose and come back tomorrow to read about what I think are the best drinks to curl up with and read a book.